by Danielle Andrews Sunkel

Over the past several years in the Wedding Industry, I have witnessed many marriages fail.  Not the marriages of my couples, but the marriages of my colleagues and former students.

The formula seems to go like this: the new planner is either changing careers, fresh from school or coming off being a stay-at-home parent.  They work very hard and start achieving business success.  They take on more and more with almost a fiendish drive and suddenly their spouse asks them for a divorce.  Usually the planner is devastated and ends up closing their business.

Most of us joined the wedding planning profession because we enjoy helping people, we have a natural tendency to solve problems and make peoples’ lives easier.  We are also almost always Type A personalities who strive for perfection.

Unfortunately, the exact traits that make us great wedding planners, cause us to neglect our spouses and families.  Our events happen on weekends and holidays, most wedding planners are busy every single weekend.  Our clients are usually only available for appointements in the evenings and on the weekends, the only time our families are home.  Our families and spouses end up attending all family events without us.  Our spouses attend weddings alone, because we are working other people’s weddings.  Rather than saying no to our clients or turning down new clients, we say no to our family.

We are so over-scheduled and over-committed in our quest for success and perfection in business, that we take out our stress on the people that matter the most. Even when we are with our families, we are distracted.  We are glued to our smartphones, computers and timelines.  Then we are surprised when our spouses and families have had enough.

So how do we stop the cycle?

Of course you want to keep growing your business when it is gaining momentum and you are seeing success, but you don’t want to neglect your loved ones in the process.

Evaluate your goals and priorities
Do you want to have a great family life, a thriving successful business, be a great parent, spouse, child and sibling?  You can have it all, but you can’t do it all by yourself.

Get Help
Hire another planner, or two or three, on to your team on a contractual basis.  This allows you to keep growing your business, but not your workload.  Bring on an intern, many college students are looking for co-op work and would love to work in an event planning business.  You get much-needed help, while providing a great introduction to the wedding business.

Hire a cleaning service, they are remarkably inexpensive and free up 3-4 hours every week.

Hire a virtual office firm to answer your business phone, so you are not tied down to your desk.

Be in the moment when you are with your loved ones
When you are spending time with loved ones, be in the moment and turn off the technology.  Your clients can wait for a reply, nothing is a life and death situation, a couple of hours will not kill them, but it can go a long way to restoring you, feeding your soul and nurturing your relationships.  Choose one or two evenings that are dedicated to family time, you can always return emails when they go to bed.

Learn to say no
You do not need every single client that comes your way. Just because you are the face of your company, you don’t have to work every wedding that comes to your firm. You do not have to accept every invitation to every industry event. Do not do things out of guilt or a false sense of obligation. By cutting out favors that you resent, you’ll make more room in your life for activities that are both meaningful to you and bring you joy.

Our spouses and families deserve our dedication and effort even more than our clients do.  It is possible to have it all, we just have to step back and realize what matters most.